


Undiscovered Country

by TheGreatCatsby



Series: What Dreams May Come [1]
Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: FrostIron - Freeform, Long Distance Relationship, M/M, Super Fun Frostiron Contest, am i right?, angst angst angst, hamlet reference, it's hard to start a relationship when you aren't even sure it's real, ssfrostiron, um quite literally
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-02
Updated: 2013-08-02
Packaged: 2017-12-22 05:16:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/909355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGreatCatsby/pseuds/TheGreatCatsby
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony has strange dreams, except they aren't simply dreams. They are something more, and they involve someone else: Loki.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Undiscovered Country

**Author's Note:**

> So this is for the second Super Fun Frostiron Contest. It has to be about relationship issues. The issue here is long distance relationship, which causes difficulties starting the relationship. Yeah. So. 
> 
> Also the title is a reference to Hamlet because I love Shakespeare. 
> 
> If you want to follow my Tumblr I'm CatsbyTheGreat. 
> 
> And I hope you enjoy!

The void is black and the black goes on forever. 

There are no stars here, no planets, no life. There is Nothing. It swallows all. 

Not even a sound penetrates the silence. It is a vacuum. It is worse than a vacuum because while he falls and falls he does not die, only screams a silent scream and slowly goes mad because there is so much nothing. 

Only him. 

Only his thoughts, not even his body, which seems like a separate object, worthless here in this emptiness. His thoughts of hatred and loathing, all directed inwards. Of failure. 

Of regret.

Of sadness. 

Of anger. 

Of confusion. 

Why am I alive?

Am I alive?

You can’t escape. 

Frost giant.

The monster parents tell their children about at night.

You are the monster. 

You are an imposter. 

Monster. 

Worthless.

Followed by the sound of something breaking. 

You are breaking. 

**

Tony sits up, gasping for air and shaking. He’d thought that the nightmares would end after he’d come to terms with danger, with being Tony Stark and being Iron Man, with being a year out. And then this. 

He hasn’t dreamed of the void in ages. Usually he dreams of falling towards the Earth, while above he sees explosions and stars foreign to him, and the threat of immanent death. He doesn’t want to die alone. 

The void dream is rare, and it is the worst. Tony knows where his nightmare of explosions comes from; it’s a memory that he relives. The void is not his. Not a memory. 

It belongs to someone else, and at first he could dismiss it as imagination. But tonight the dream has evolved, become more specific. 

There were feelings, and words. 

Frost giant. 

Tony only knows one context for the words “frost giant” and it is Thor. But he knows this isn’t Thor’s dream. It doesn’t feel like Thor. 

But why would someone from another world put their thoughts in Tony’s dreams? 

Tony allows himself to breathe, to feel and remember what it feels like to be surrounded by sound and light and matter, to feel his own body anchored on the bed and to know that he is not falling. 

He is awake now. 

“Jarvis,” he says, voice rough with sleep and silent screams. 

“Sir,” Jarvis answers. 

“I need to ask Thor something,” Tony says. “Send him a message. He knows how to text, right?” 

“Mr. Odinson is not on Earth at the moment, sir,” Jarvis tells him. 

Tony runs a hand over his face. Thor is often not on Earth, which is fine, but right now Tony needs him here. He says, “Frost Giants—those are a thing out of Norse mythology, right?” 

“They are indeed, sir,” Jarvis answers. “Would you like me to download information on Frost Giants, sir? Mr. Odinson has also mentioned them.” 

“Yeah, thanks,” Tony says. “And, um, it wouldn’t be too early for breakfast, right?” 

It is three in the morning. 

Jarvis doesn’t miss a beat. “Sir, no time is too early for breakfast. Would you like me to call-“

“I’ll make it myself.” 

“Wonderful, sir,” Jarvis says, sounding entirely too pleased (for a computer system) about Tony actually cooking for once. 

“Don’t get used to it,” Tony mumbles as he makes his way to the bathroom. 

**

As it turns out, Jarvis pulls up quite a bit about Frost Giants including, a little disturbingly, every time Thor has mentioned them. 

As it turns out, Thor knows a Frost Giant. 

In one recording Jarvis pulls up, Thor is talking to Fury about SHIELD’s analysis of Loki. “He isn’t like me,” Thor tells Fury, “which is why his physical attributes are different to mine.”

“How isn’t he like you?” Fury asks. “You said he was adopted. So he’s from a different family?” 

“A different realm,” Thor corrects him. “He is a Frost Giant.” 

And that throws Tony for a loop. He’d never heard that from Thor. And either SHIELD had done a really good job of keeping Loki’s true heritage quiet, or (more likely) Tony had ignored everything to do with Loki and aliens for the better part of the past year. 

“What is a Frost Giant?” Fury asks. “Your brother looks a bit small for a Giant.”

“He was a runt,” Thor says, “which is likely why he was abandoned in the temple during the last great war. That is where my father found him. You must understand, Loki did not find out until recently, when the touch of a Frost Giant altered his appearance. He thought he was my brother in blood as well as bond. To me, it does not matter, but it matters to Loki a great deal. It might have been part of his motivation for…coming here.” 

“Coming here is an understatement,” Fury says, and Tony pauses the recording. 

“Did you know about this?” he asks. 

“Yes, sir,” Jarvis says. “I picked up this information while monitoring SHIELD as you requested.” 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” 

“Sir, you commanded me not to talk about what happened in New York,” Jarvis answers. 

Tony slips down into his chair, staring at the computer screen. There is nothing there, no image, just a paused audio file. But there is an idea there. That the void might be Loki’s. 

Frost Giant, it had said. 

“Fuck,” he whispers. Then, louder, “Has there been any unusual activity lately? Portals, people falling out of the sky, unexplained stuff?” 

“No, sir,” Jarvis answers. “I can find nothing of concern.” 

“Okay, that’s weird,” Tony says. “Then why would Loki’s thoughts be in my head? Or any Frost Giant’s?” 

“Loki is imprisoned in Asgard,” Jarvis supplies. 

“I know,” Tony says. “Or he’s supposed to be. That’s the disturbing part.” 

“Perhaps, sir, you should write down your dreams,” Jarvis suggests. 

Tony almost protests before he realizes that, in the absence of any other solution, this idea isn’t half bad. 

Still, his skin crawls at the idea of Loki, let alone anyone, taking a trip inside his head while he’s vulnerable. 

But he has to sleep. 

And sleep he does. 

**

Everything shines. 

Tony is sitting on a hard, cold surface. In the distance, he can see a waterfall, and beyond that, golden spires. The sky is different from the sky he knows. 

He looks to his side and sees someone else sitting there, also looking towards the golden spires. Someone with pale skin and black hair, wearing black leathers with green and gold accents. 

Loki. 

Strangely, Tony doesn’t feel threatened. The part of his mind that wants to attack Loki has been curiously subdued. 

Loki turns around to face him. His expression is blank. 

“Stark,” he says. 

Tony watches him, can’t look away. “Loki,” he replies. 

Loki takes a deep breath. “Strange, that you are here,” he says, “that you are the one I see. I expected someone else.” 

“Who?” Tony asks. 

“I don’t know.” Loki’s voice is soft. 

“Is this real?” Tony asks. 

Loki stares at him. “No,” he says. “This is my mind. You certainly aren’t real, unless I have somehow reached out-“ He stops himself. 

“Did you?” Tony asks. 

“I don’t know.” Loki looks away, his hands clenching at air. 

“I feel like I’m real,” Tony tells him. 

“Why?” Loki asks. “Why you? I want nothing from you. This is my mind. You have no part in it.” 

“Are you asleep?” Tony asks. 

Loki sighs and waves a hand. “Vanish.” 

Tony doesn’t vanish. “I’m still here,” he observes helpfully. “So much for your mind. Is this really Asgard?” 

“Yes,” Loki breathes. “This is Asgard. The shining city. We sit upon the bifrost.” 

“The bifrost,” Tony repeats. “I’ve heard of that. That’s the bridge thingy that takes people to other planets.” He looks down at what he’s sitting on and notes the glass-like appearance of the bridge, and the colors that shoot through like streaks of lightning. “Huh, it really is rainbow. But cooler than I thought, somehow.” 

“I doubt you could imagine it,” Loki says. But he sounds as though his mind is realms away. 

“What did they do to you?” Tony asks. “Please tell me you’re still on Asgard.” 

Loki meets his eyes. “I’m still on Asgard,” he says, with absolutely no inflection. Tony can’t tell if it’s a lie or the truth; with Loki it could be anything. Then Loki adds, “I was imprisoned and I still am. It matters not where or by whom. Your conditions have been met.” 

“Not my conditions,” Tony says, “but SHIELD’s.” 

“Oh, but you wanted it,” Loki says. “You are just as thirsty for revenge as everyone else. Except, perhaps, the hawkling. He would have my head.” 

“And an arrow through your eye,” Tony says, thinking of Clint’s anger, and the nightmares that followed, nightmares worse than Tony’s nightmares. “I should be angry that you’re in my head.” 

“Am I in your head?” Loki asks. “I assure you, it was not intentional. Perhaps I simply reached out and latched on to the closest thing. I can walk through dreams, you know.” 

“That’s not creepy,” Tony murmurs. “But if you do happen to think about it, and I know I will when I wake up, don’t do it again. I like dreamless sleep.”

Loki pales. “Dreamless sleep is dark and nothing.” 

Tony doesn’t know what to say. 

“It is falling,” Loki whispers, and then Tony is falling too. 

**

Tony wakes up in a cold sweat and finds that he is absolutely furious that Loki was inside his mind. If it wasn’t just a dream. If he was really talking to Loki. 

It sure as hell felt lucid. 

“Jarvis,” he says, “I need you to monitor my brainwaves while I sleep. See if it’s different than normal dreams. I, um, had a nightmare that seemed real.” 

But not real. Asgard was real but it was also part of a dream world. 

“Yes, sir,” Jarvis says. 

Tony gets dressed and tries not to think about his conversation with Loki, how…normal it had seemed. How civil. No fighting, no killing, no being thrown off the bridge. Loki hadn’t even known what he was doing with Tony’s mind, if he was actually doing it at all. 

And that’s what disturbs Tony the most, that Loki can just go into someone else’s mind and not realize it. 

He wonders how much of it is lies and how much is the truth. 

He’d rather not think on it. 

Instead, he goes to meet Pepper for breakfast, and Pepper is real and normal and definitely a part of his life that he appreciates. She’s dressed in a white business suit and looking better than Tony could ever hope to look. 

She puts a plate of assorted fruits and yogurt in front of him.

“What is this?” he asks. 

“Healthy food,” Pepper says. “Just eat it.” 

“I don’t want to be healthy,” Tony says. 

“A healthy body makes for a healthy mind,” Pepper tells him. 

Tony’s blood runs cold and his spoon hovers above the yogurt. “What did you say?” 

Pepper sits across from him, frowning. “A healthy body makes for a healthy mind?” 

“What’s wrong with my mind?” Tony asks. 

“Nothing, I’ve just been reading about how physical health can affect mental health and I thought-“ She catches sight of his face and something in it concerns her. “Tony, what’s wrong?” 

“What?” Tony shoves a spoonful of yogurt into his mouth. “Nothing. Nothing’s wrong with my mind. Or body. Just surprised, that’s all. About the health kick.” 

“You’re the one who makes gluten free waffles,” Pepper reminds him. 

“No,” Tony says, “that was your recipe.” 

Pepper’s still watching him. “Are you sure you’re okay? You seem edgy.” 

“Me, edgy? No.” Tony takes another spoonful of yogurt. “Just not fully awake, I think.” He flashes Pepper a smile. “Don’t worry about it, I’m fine.” 

Pepper sighs. “Okay. Weirdness aside, I have a few things I need you to do.” 

“No,” Tony groans. But then Pepper’s off talking about meetings and papers and various other odds and ends that come with being the name behind Stark Industries, and then she adds in Avengers business. 

And as boring as it is, Tony finds himself oddly grateful. It’s a distraction. It’s normal. It’s life. 

And he needs normal right now. 

**

“Thor, do you guys dream up in Asgard?” Tony asks. “I mean, you’re not human and all so maybe your brains work differently, but I know you sleep, so. Do you? Dream?” 

Thor gives him a confused look but answers, “Yes, we do dream when we sleep. From what I’ve gathered, it is not so different from your own dreaming process.” 

“Right, right,” Tony says, “but you know, can you guys see into each others’ dreams?” 

Thor frowns. “Why do you ask these questions?” 

“I’ve always been curious about the psychology of people from other planets,” Tony says, which is a half-truth at any rate. 

“Only some people can walk between dreams,” Thor says, “and only from some realms. I have not the ability to do so.” 

“Right, right.” Tony nods. “That’s unfortunate for you.” 

“No,” Thor says, “I would not want to see into other people’s minds. My dreams are my own, and for that I am grateful.” 

Tony suppresses a shiver. “Do you know anyone who could walk between dreams? Because humans can’t do that. At all.” 

“Yes,” Thor says, but his eyes look sad. “I’m afraid you could not talk to them, though.” 

“Why not? Inter-realm travel is a thing these days.” 

“It is Loki.” 

Tony pretends to be surprised. “Oh. Yeah, I can see why that would be…not a good idea.” 

“He was quite skilled at it,” Thor tells him. “When he was younger, he would walk into dreams unchecked and not know he was doing it. Then he learned how to control the skill, but in times of distress he can still drift into other dreams without knowing. I have been the recipient of such visits many a time.” 

“Does it feel weird?” Tony asks. 

Thor gives the question some thought. “I feel more aware,” he answers, finally. “As if I’m actually awake.” 

“Lucid,” Tony suggests. Thor nods. “Well, that’s interesting. We don’t really have that problem.” 

Thor regards him curiously. “Have you been having strange dreams?” 

Tony nearly jumps at the question. “What? Me? No, I don’t dream. Not at all. I was just wondering because other people have lots of dreams. Pepper does. Do you remember your dreams?” 

Thor shakes his head. “It is simply a question I did not expect from you.” 

Tony laughs and he hopes it doesn’t sound nervous. “Yeah, I know. I’m not usually one for that kind of thinking either. I like hard science, not that psychology stuff that some people really like. But, you know, it never hurts to be curious.” 

Thor nods like he knows what Tony means, but there is lingering confusion on his face and Tony wonders if he’s figured out something about Tony’s state of mind that perhaps he shouldn’t have. 

Or maybe Tony is just being strange. 

Again. 

**

This time they sit in the middle of a clearing upon a hill, on top of huge rocks overlooking a field grass. A dark green forest with tall trees lines the edges of the field. There is a lake in the distance. The sound of birds chirping reaches Tony’s ears and everything seems over-bright, as if he’s looking at it in high definition. Real and yet too real. This isn’t how he sees in real life. 

Loki sits across from him, head tipped upwards towards the sun. 

The location seems vaguely familiar, but Tony can’t place it. 

“Thor says you can walk through dreams,” Tony says. 

Loki turns to him, eyes narrowed and mouth set in a thin line of displeasure. “Was my word on the matter not enough?” he asks. 

“Where are we?” Tony asks, because there really is no good answer to that question. At least not for Loki. 

Loki looks around. “I don’t know.” 

“This is your dream,” Tony says. 

Loki smirks at him. “No, Stark. It’s yours.” 

Something like dread begins to pool in Tony’s stomach. “It’s not. If it were, you wouldn’t be here.” 

“Is that so?” Loki turns his gaze to the trees. “I can feel your thoughts. This place is familiar to you.” 

“Yeah, well it’s a dream,” Tony says. “I can feel anything.” 

“Nothing that you wouldn’t already feel,” Loki tells him. “There is something you recognize about this place and yet it is just the slightest bit…off. But which details are wrong? The image is on the tip of your tongue.” 

“Images can’t be on the tip of your tongue,” Tony snaps, but that’s exactly how it feels. It’s right there, within his grasp, and yet…

Loki’s smirk has become infuriating. 

A car horn sounds off in the distance. Tony nearly jumps. 

“The cars give it away,” Loki murmurs. 

Tony doesn’t understand. And then…

The trees transform into buildings, and the spaces between become roads. The clearing is surrounded by city and suddenly-“Central park,” Tony realizes. 

Loki picks up a flower and begins tearing off the petals. “I liked it better as a forest,” he says. 

“Yeah, well, if you want a forest go back to your own dream.” Tony can’t quite stop looking around at the sparkling buildings to the south and the rugged red apartments to the north, and all the green in-between. He wonders how he ever thought he was anywhere else. 

“I don’t remember coming here,” Loki says. 

Tony looks at him. Loki isn’t looking back, but at the destroyed flower in his hand. His hands tear at the stem and then toss it aside. 

“Sorry?” Tony says. 

Loki glares at him. “You don’t understand,” he snaps. “I have to remember how I came here. This is my mind, Stark.” 

“I thought you said it was my dream.” Everything becomes a little bit less bright. 

“Yes,” Loki says, “yes Stark. It is your dream. But it’s my mind. I need to know how this happened. I do not simply fall into dreams.” 

“Not since you were a child,” Tony mutters. 

Loki’s eyes widen. “What did you say?” 

“Nothing!” 

Loki lunges at him, knocking him backwards into the rock. His head spins as he hits the stone and his bones feel too heavy as he tries to push Loki off. 

Loki’s hands are too tight against his shoulders. “This is you,” he snarls. “This is your fault.”

“I’m sorry,” Tony gasps. “I didn’t mean-“

“How did I get here?” 

“I don’t know!” 

Loki lets go and the sky is a curious black color and Tony can’t breathe. 

Everything dissolves. 

**

“Have you ever considered therapy?” Clint asks over pizza the next afternoon. 

“Shut up birdbrain,” Tony says, and tries valiantly not to give in to the temptation to throw a piece of pepperoni at Clint’s face. 

Clint smirks at him. “I’m just saying, weird dreams are a sign.” 

“Of what?” 

“I don’t know, I’m not a therapist.” 

“I wouldn’t trust Clint to interpret dreams anyway,” Natasha says, sliding into the seat beside her fellow agent. “He’s about as good at interpreting as you are at being quiet.” 

“Hey!” Tony and Clint protest. 

Steve, Bruce, and Thor enter the room. Thor’s eyes light up at the pizza on the table. 

“Truly, this will be the best meal of the week!” he cries. 

“The best meal was the Thai food Tony got on Thursday,” Bruce says. 

“Thor has no appreciation for refined cuisine,” Tony says. 

Thor does not argue this point. He simply digs into his pizza. 

“So, what’s going on?” Steve asks. 

“Tony’s having weird dreams,” Clint says around a bite of pizza. Natasha rolls her eyes and hands him a napkin. 

“What kind of dreams?” Steve asks. 

“Oh, you know. Dreamy dreams,” Tony says. 

“He’s been really quiet about what they actually are,” Natasha tells them. “Only that they wake him up at night.” 

Thor’s giving Tony a strangely scrutinizing look that is really, really uncomfortable. Tony doesn’t look at him. 

“I have those dreams, too,” Clint says, “except it usually involves birds.” 

“Of course it does,” Tony mutters. 

“Have you seen the film The Birds, Clint?” Banner asks. “I feel like that would give you nightmares for weeks.” 

“Don’t remind me,” Clint mutters. “Although…” His eyes light up. “I don’t think Steve’s seen it.” 

Steve looks concerned. “Do I want to see it?” 

“No,” Bruce says. Clint says, “Yes!” 

“Stark,” Thor says, out of nowhere, “I would have words.” 

Tony finishes the last bite of his pizza and stands up. “Not right now. I gotta, um, go talk to Pepper about a thing. Now.” And he leaves them to their movie talk, Thor’s eyes following him out of the room. 

He doesn’t talk to Pepper because Pepper isn’t even in the building. Instead he goes into his workshop and tinkers to get his mind off things. 

A few hours later, Pepper’s arms slide around him and she kisses him and murmurs sweet words in his ear. 

“Pepper,” Tony says, “will you stay with me tonight?” 

Pepper looks surprised, then concerned. “I’d love to,” she says. They haven’t tried sleeping in the same bed since the incident with the suit, mostly because they have different schedules but partially because they needed time to forget a bit. “But is there something wrong?” 

“Not at all,” Tony says, the lie quick on his tongue. It’s his best lie. “I’ve missed you.” 

Pepper smiles and they fall asleep in each other’s arms.

**  
In what seems like the blink of an eye, Tony wakes up. 

He sits up, careful not to disturb Pepper, and looks around the room, everything appearing as thick shadows. He looks at the alarm clock and finds that he still has several hours until either of them has to wake up. He isn’t surprised; his sleep schedule is terrible. 

Then he looks away from the alarm clock and yells. 

Loki stands where there was nothing before, at the edge of the bed, watching him. 

“Fuck you,” Tony hisses, grabbing at his covers as though they could protect him. “You’re not supposed to be here.” 

“Am I not?” Loki says, eyes roaming to Tony’s side, to Pepper. 

“No,” Tony says. 

Loki’s eyes return to Tony. “There is no one there.” 

Tony twists around to find that the bed is empty save for himself. He scrambles to his feet, one hand feeling around for his bracelet on the dresser that calls his suit to him. 

It isn’t there. 

He doesn’t panic. Not yet. 

“What did you do with her?” 

“Nothing.” 

Tony stands up straighter and puts as much force into his voice as possible. “Look, tell me and you won’t die. What. Did. You. Do?” 

“Nothing,” Loki repeats, with just as much force. “Stark, you called me here.” 

“I did not,” Tony insists. “Where is she?” He wants to scream. 

“Not here.” 

“Jarvis.” Tony expects the cool voice to answer right away, but Jarvis remains silent. 

And Loki is suddenly closer. 

“Stark,” he says. “Consider it a blessing that I have not taken your dreams under my control.” 

“Haven’t you?” Tony asks, and he hates the way his voice rises in pitch. “You’re here, Pepper’s not, and Jarvis won’t answer me and wait, did you just say dream?” 

Loki nods. 

“Fuck,” Tony says. 

“Eloquent.” 

Tony takes a deep breath. It doesn’t feel like a deep breath. It doesn’t feel like something he needs to do. Breathing doesn’t feel like something he needs to do. Suddenly everything seems wrong, like it doesn’t fit. His body feels as if he’s covered in ill-fitting clothing. 

“You look tired,” Tony says. “How can you look tired? This is a dream. You’re asleep, right?” 

“Right?” Loki repeats. 

Tony groans. “Don’t tell me you’re going to be all vague and stuff. That’s annoying.” 

“Then I am not asleep,” Loki tells him. “I come when you call. It is what you might call day-dreaming, but more literal. Or…astral projection of a sort. My mind seeks an escape and you gladly give it.” 

“Gladly? I don’t gladly give anything. Stop saying that this is on me. It’s not. It’s on you.” 

“Is it? I know nothing of your significant other, nor of your bedroom, and yet that is where we are. The landscapes of these dreams are entirely yours, save for the first dream we shared. I reached out to you,” Loki admits. “Yet, every time after you have reached for me.” 

Tony remembers falling and blackness and not being. “Two dreams,” he murmurs. 

The look Loki gives him is sharp. “What?” 

“Two dreams,” Tony repeats. “The falling and blackness and nothing and—I can’t really even describe it, but it was horrible. That wasn’t mine. I fell through a wormhole while watching a nuclear bomb explode and that was horrifying but this is different. It’s not mine. I know mine.” 

“You could not even tell that this dream was yours,” Loki snaps. “Do not tell me what is yours and what is mine.” 

“I never said it was yours,” Tony counters. 

“But you implied it.” 

Tony shrugs. “Either way. Not mine, that one. You showed me Asgard but you also showed me something else. Why?” 

Loki’s face turns a ghastly shade of white, and he takes a step back. “I showed you nothing,” he hisses, but his eyes are wild. 

“What was it?” Tony asks. 

Loki begins to shake. For some reason Tony feels Loki’s panic in his own chest, like a rock, making it hard to breath and swallow and move, and he’s back in that dream that wasn’t a dream, but a memory, and he knows. He can see it in Loki’s face. 

They stay like that for a long time. 

Then Loki whispers, “Let me go.” 

A shiver runs through Tony’s body like an electric current. “What?” 

“Let me go,” Loki repeats. His fists are clenched. But he doesn’t move. 

“Go?” Tony says. 

“No,” Loki snarls, “you are keeping me in your dream, binding me here to satisfy your own curiosity. Get rid of it and let me go.” 

“I don’t know-“ Tony starts, but then he realizes that he wants to know. He wants to know and if this is his dream, somewhere his thoughts have latched on to wanting to know, and they won’t let go because they never let go, because Tony always has to dig and pry and take apart. “Tell me what happened.” 

“Stark-“

“Tell me,” Tony says, “or you don’t leave. That’s just how my brain works. Unsatisfied curiosity and all.” 

Loki is silent for a long time. Then, totally void of emotion in the way of someone who is feeling a lot of emotion and trying to keep it all at bay, he says, “I fell.” 

Tony’s brain works at the word. Fell. It feels like—“A lie. That’s a lie.” 

Loki turns away. 

And the room shifts. 

The walls melt away and a sky filled with stars replaces the ceiling, and Tony looks down and finds a crystalline rainbow bridge beneath his feet and, below that, a waterfall whose waters crash into nothing. 

Blackness. 

“The void,” Loki says, looking down, standing at the edge of the bridge. “That is where the water falls.” 

“That’s where you fell,” Tony says. 

“The space between worlds, nothing,” Loki murmurs. “One should not survive a fall through the void. Some would call it hell. But it is survivable, and with survival comes memories. The void is what I see when I close my eyes.” 

“So you don’t sleep,” Tony realizes, which accounts for the exhaustion evident on Loki’s features. “You’re awake, except when I call you.” 

Loki nods, unable to take his eyes away from the void. “I can’t…function, outside. It gets away from me.” 

“What does?” 

“Everything.” It’s a sigh. “I want no dreams, Stark. I want rest. I have been left alone with thoughts I cannot handle. Asgardian prison is nothing. It is standard. Some of your Avengers would be disappointed. And yet…” 

Tony swallows. He knows what Loki means. He’s felt it many times himself. 

“You can’t escape from your mind,” Loki continues, “and prison offers no distraction.”

Tony doesn’t want to know what Loki means by “can’t function” because it sounds an awful lot like he’s going insane. If he wasn’t insane already. 

“How did you bring me into your dreams?” Tony asks. 

“Strange,” Loki says. “I fell asleep and fell into the void and when I was in the void I reached out for anything to stop my fall, but nothing was there. Except this time there was a light. Blue, like the Tesseract, but not the Tesseract, yet it had traces of the Tesseract’s power and my own magic. I clung to it, and my grip failed that time, but it did not fail the next.” 

Tony’s hand comes up near his heart. The arc reactor, glowing a dim light blue, like a built-in beacon. 

“And then you called,” Loki adds. He’s still looking over the edge. He looks almost…not longing, but hungry for something. 

The words come to Tony slowly, a struggle. “You didn’t fall. You jumped.” 

Loki turns to him, completely calm, except for his eyes. His eyes are a storm. 

“No,” he says. “I let go.” 

Tony blinks, opens his mouth to say something, and when he opens his eyes he’s in his room, sunlight streaming through the floor-to-ceiling windows. Outside the city is buzzing. Inside, Pepper still sleeps, her slow breaths ghosting against Tony’s arm. 

Tony does not fall back asleep, but he lets Pepper think that she’s woken him up just to make her feel normal. 

Because he certainly doesn’t. 

**

“You look like shit,” Clint says over lunch, and he tosses Tony a pill bottle. Tony turns it over in his hand. 

“Sleeping pills? Really?” 

“Works wonders,” Clint says and Tony thinks he must know from experience. 

He wonders if there are sleeping aids on Asgard. 

Part of him almost feels worried, and he pushes the feeling aside. 

“Take them,” Clint says, suddenly completely serious. “I think you need it.” 

Tony doesn’t want to worry Pepper. He doesn’t want to be exhausted. He doesn’t want to deal with the void and falling. He doesn’t want to end up building dozens of suits again to combat a fear that can’t be fought with weapons. 

(He ignores the part of him that wants to see Loki again, talk to him, because it’s more interesting than any other dream he’s had, and he didn’t know Loki before and now he knows something and part of him wants to know more.) 

That night, he takes the pills. 

And he doesn’t dream. 

**

Two weeks pass with no dreams, and Tony feels relief. He doesn’t have to think at night. He wonders why he hasn’t tried this before. 

(Because he was afraid of what would happen while he was asleep, what dangers might occur while he lay in bed doing nothing. Now he’s afraid of what dreams await him.)

Thor takes a journey to Asgard that lasts for quite a long time, and when he comes back he looks sad. 

“What’s wrong?” Tony asks. He’s ordered Thor’s favorite pizza and they’re sharing it, and Thor is barely eating. 

“My brother has not faired well in prison,” Thor tells him after a few moments. “What he says is nonsense, and he will not eat and sleep. His anger has turned into insanity, I fear.” 

Tony does not say, “Wasn’t it insanity before?” because that wouldn’t help, and he isn’t sure it was anymore. Instead he says, “I’m sorry. I know you wanted him to get better, talk to you again, be your brother.” 

Thor looks down at his piece of pizza, largely uneaten. Then he adds, quietly, “There is bad news.” 

“Aside from that?” 

“The Chitauri came for Loki, and managed to break him from his prison,” Thor says, and Tony feels a bit lightheaded. “They killed several guards in the process and Loki is gone, and we cannot see him. He is closed to us.” 

Tony stares at him. 

“I have informed Director Fury,” Thor continues. He takes a bite of pizza. “I fear another attack, and I fear Loki is completely lost to us this time. I hope I am wrong, and that is not the case.”

“I hope so, too, for your sake and ours,” Tony says. He wonders if hoping for Loki’s sake is something that should be done, too, but he doesn’t know Loki’s mind or what he wants or what the Chitauri meant by breaking him free. Either way, nothing good can come of it. “We’ll help you no matter what.” 

“Thank you,” Thor says. 

Tony pours himself a whiskey, forgoing the pizza, and broods. 

**

That night, Tony stops taking his sleeping pills. He goes to bed with Pepper and prepares to dream. 

He keeps doing this. Days pass, weeks, then months. 

He wants to know what’s happened to Loki. He wants to talk to him, know his thoughts, find out about the Chitauri, know him. Last time, his desires were enough to bring Loki into his dreams. 

He has no dreams. 

Somehow, this makes him feel more dread than the dreams ever did.


End file.
